Sitting at the Cool Kid’s Table

This past summer, my husband John and I left our suburban Cleveland home to visit John’s sister Mary and her husband Joe in the small college town of Goshen, Indiana. Goshen is one of several small towns in Elkhart County, and it was our good fortune to visit during the Elkhart County Fair. What can I say about the Elkhart County Fair? It might help to know that the Elkhart County Fair has its own Wikipedia page. It is the second largest county fair in the country, and so it is a very big deal.

Once we got to the fair, my first priority was to see the animals, and there were plenty of opportunities. We could visit the sheep barn or maybe the horse barn. There was also a baby animal barn, which housed the animals who had just given birth; as soon as we arrived, Mary and I made a beeline for the babies. We saw a newly born calf, some adorable baby bunnies, and 12 newly born piglets. Mama pig just lay there with a resigned look on her face while her progeny pushed and shoved for a choice spot to nurse. And it was at that moment, as I was watching that wriggling mass of cuteness, that I started to think.

Worrying About Mama

I had been told by my veterinarian husband that pigs are smart, and I began to wonder what happens to mama pig when the piglets grow big enough to sell. I was worrying about mama pig’s emotional health after her babies are gone. Will she be depressed? Will she be anxious? Yes, I was worrying that mama pig might start to feel the effects of being an empty nester. Unfortunately, it got worse when I opened my mouth to earnestly ask the 4H kid tasked with watching the baby animal barn, “When the babies are taken away, is the sow depressed? Is there anything done to help her?” I was in fact asking whether there was some sort of mental health program for newly childless mother pigs.

At that moment, many things happened at once. The 4H kid’s mouth fell open in astonishment as she answered, “Uh…no.” My sweet sister- in-law, knowing that no one in this farming community would have had the least idea of what I was talking about, started shaking her head back and forth as she mouthed, “No, no, no don’t ask that question!” The whole scene ended with the 4H kid asking me, “Are you from around here?”

Was I from around there? Obviously, I was not. But, as an unremarkable looking middle-aged white woman, you could not tell just by looking at me that I wasn’t from Elkhart County. However, that all changed when I asked what I considered a perfectly logical question. From the moment, I spoke, everyone in that barn knew I wasn’t from “around here.” They knew that I was an outsider who didn’t quite belong.

It became evident that my life experiences and the life experiences of many of the folks who attended the fair were in many ways vastly different. In this case, the differences were in how animals are viewed.

I live in the Cleveland suburbs where my small terrier Oliver sleeps every night nestled close to me under the sheets. I do not live in a farming community where farm animals are not seen as pets. They are, in fact, an important part of the local economy.

What Determines Who Fits In?

How interesting that the smallest of differences can determine whether one fits in or doesn’t fit in, although I do think that the absolute masters in identifying differences in one another are middle school kids. They have an amazing ability to zero in on the tiniest of details, and without a backward glance, cast out those deemed unacceptable. Ultimately, it’s often the school cafeteria where you can see the school pecking order in action, and I bet every single kid in any cafeteria in the United States could point to the table where the most popular kids sit. And it is at that table where you can find the bastion of middle school coolness and swag. It is the “cool kid’s table.”

Scientists have long recognized that belonging is a universal human need. In fact, I have heard the story of a small, impoverished village in Africa, where the villagers literally had nothing to give those who visited. When you visited this village, you could not expect a meal and sometimes not even a glass of water, so the women of the village gave the only thing they could. They “made room” for everyone. They gave the gift of belonging to every single person who came to their village.

Jesus too “made room” for everyone. His ministry centered around inviting everyone into His sphere of acceptance and belonging. Are you a tax collector? Come on in! Are you a prostitute? Welcome! Do you sleep next to your dog and do you worry about a mother pig’s mental health? There is room for you too! Does your pet dog sleep in a doghouse outside, and do you worry about keeping your farm solvent? Definitely, come on in!

The Ultimate Cool Kid’s Table

I suppose for Christians, the communion table could be seen as the ultimate “cool kid’s table”- communion cool. Except, unlike middle school, everyone is welcome and no one is turned away. And just like any family anywhere in the world who sits around the dinner table, the Family of God sits together at the communion table as the whole, unruly lot of us laugh and argue and talk and yell and share, as we feast on the bread of life and the cup of salvation.

You might wonder if I sat at the “cool kid’s table” during my school years. I did not. But, I definitely sit at the “cool kid’s table” now.

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly.

• Do you remember a time when you felt like an “outsider” who didn’t quite belong?
• In middle school, did you sit at or near the cool kid’s table? How did it feel to sit where you did?
• Does Jesus make room for you? Say more beyond yes or no.