I was born in 1931 in Chicago, Illinois, the youngest of four children. My dad worked in the complicated world of labor relations which contained elements of danger and fear. My mother had been his secretary until they fell in love, married and she exchanged her typewriter for a baby crib, sending her into a new life of children and neighbors she never knew existed.
She would learn to drive a car and fly a plane–opening doors of excitement and courage in her new life. My dad would succumb to the reality of aging in which he found himself. Twenty years older than his wife, he was a part of an older generation that was seeking the peace of accomplishment and not the thrills and excitement of new plans and passions.
They would create a relationship between them that was directed toward harmony and peace while at the same time recognizing new differences that were changing their lives.
An Unforeseen Crisis
An unexpected accident resulted in my father’s injury and death. And so my mother moved the family to a safer part of the world, entering a more normal arena of school and friends and playgrounds and neighborhoods. On paper, it looked possible and reasonable. We would leave behind the dangers we were trying to forget.
But one doesn’t easily forget what one is afraid of. And so there lingered a residue of uneasiness and fear in our home. We had been born and grounded in a world of unexpected fear. But we were now living In a new life that appeared normal. And so we chose to “enact” the newness we had discovered and “forget” the fears and dangers of the past.
And we almost succeeded except the world entered a new war and life once again became engrossed in death and destruction. And as I am now in my 90’s, a new generation of grown children are demonstrating how powerful their spirits have become. One of my granddaughters is entering law school with an absolute conviction of her capacity to make the world a safer place. My grandsons are discovering the marvelous gift of friendship and love which exists between them.
Eventually, in the world of returned memories, we began to reflect on the past through our behaviors now in the present. We didn’t repeat those experiences. We simply didn’t forget them. And in the remembering, our eyes were opened to the reality of what our lives contained.
A Unique Healing Strategy
Our lives now include a unique healing strategy. “Remembering” means we could “forget” those things which once only produced fear. We are not the victims of a violent history but survivors of our fears. We are a new generation of people who have conquered the ghosts of the past.
We are a new generation of courageous beings who live in the present while also being fully aware of the past. Our lives now contain meaning shaped by all the past has taught us. Purpose and Meaning become gifts of Life to be shared in the present moment, shaped by the past and anticipating that which is yet to be. We are living the realities that we once feared as the unknown future, as we continue to heal in the present moment fully known.
We Are Nine or Ninety. We Live In The Present Because The Present Is What Is Real. The Present Is Where We Experience Meaning And Live Our Purpose. The Present Is Good And So Is God.
Amen!
To learn more about options for post-retirement success and how to begin preparing even prior to finishing your primary career, join us in person or online for the 2024 Abundant Aging Symposium, Purpose, Meaning and Redefining Retirement on October 4th. Discounts on registration before September 9th.
For Reflection (either individually or with a group)
Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Invite the Divine to open your heart to allow the light of new understanding to pierce the shadows of embedded assumptions, stereotypes, and ways of thinking so that you may live more abundantly. Then spend some time with the following questions together with anything or anyone who helps you reflect more deeply.
- Do you have a memory that continues to have a negative impact on your life? What is the memory and how does it affect your life?
- How have you tried to ‘forget’ it?
- The author re-framed her memory saying, “We are not the victims of a violent history but survivors of our fears. We are a new generation of people who have conquered the ghosts of the past.” How can you re-frame your memory?
Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.
