Unexpected Clarity

From God’s gift of Holy Spirit comes unexpected clarity.

But first–violin lessons. Viola lessons. Voice lessons.

I started learning to play the violin.

The high school orchestra in which I played regularly scored as high, sometimes higher, at state competitions, which included orchestras from large metropolitan areas mentored by university teachers and symphony orchestra members.

While I was still in junior high school, the high school orchestra needed violas (slightly larger than violins, heavier strings; like the alto version of the violin soprano!) So my middling skills were re-tooled from violin to viola. Twice a week I was excused from junior high in the afternoon to walk 1.5 miles to the high school and practice with that orchestra.

As a high school sophomore, I became first chair in our struggling viola section. 

Equally unexpected I was appointed to play the viola in the school’s well known and highly rated string quartet.

The very talented daughter of the director was first violinist; the second violinist was an equally talented daughter of a preacher in town; and the cellist–he later became principal cellist in the symphony orchestra of one of those big cities mentioned earlier!

From Viola to Voice

Then one day the high school choral director told me “you should take voice lessons.” After rounds of working on vocal exercises like “lah bay dah meh nee poh tuh” over and over and over, there were vocal solos at school assemblies, at church, on the small local radio station, at weddings, and a stint as soloist at the local Church of Christ, Scientist. It began to feel like a career in music was on the horizon. 

There were, in retrospect, early caution flags. At regional and state competitions where the string quartet regularly earned #1 ratings, my vocal solos usually earned #2 ratings.

The last solo competition was adjudicated by the professor who was the choir director and voice teacher in the college I would attend. 

At an orchestra festival, featuring top rated players from around the state, there was another subtle caution flag. I never dreamed I would be assigned first chair in the viola section. Over the years I had met superb string musicians from other schools, among them, an outstanding violist who I assumed would be first chair. Accordingly, I neglected to practice a brief solo line in one of the scores we would perform. The solo was written with a different notation than the one with which I was familiar.

At the first rehearsal, when the orchestra came to that three-measure phrase for the viola, and I could not play it, the conductor and the orchestra stopped. Embarrassing silence. The disgusted conductor turned to the viola section coach and growled, “Fix that.”

A Shadow Appears

It cast a bit of shadow on my musical future. 

Nevertheless, I entered college as a vocal music major, and served as choral director in a small business school, and at a local church. I played viola in the college community orchestra.

Then one day during a voice lesson, my teacher abruptly stopped the session. Pausing a moment or two, the teacher then told me, quite bluntly, “If you are thinking music is your professional career, think about doing something else!”

Unexpected! Shocking!

Determined not to give up entirely, I decided to be the best choral member I could be. Over subsequent years I sang in a madrigal group, a fine chamber choir, and even soloed once as a fifteen-year member of a philharmonic symphony chorus when the usual tenor soloist could not be at the concert. 

There was more clarity however, when the newspaper music critic wrote, “he has a nice voice but needs to be more declaratory.” 

Life Takes a Big Turn

All things considered, and the voice professor’s advice, triggered a consequential turn in my path. I began to consider pastoral ministry. Unknown to me until the day of my ordination, that decision vindicated my mother’s secretly held conviction that this was to be my destination all along!

On the day of ordination, my mother handed me a story she had written which began with her fascination about the meaning of a stained-glass window. She described her faith conversion, in part prompted by her sense that the Good Shepherd window at her church (picture of that window at left) was a message to her. The Good Shepherd, holding a lamb in his arms, struck her as emblematic of her role as a mother–with a responsibility to see her child respond faithfully to God’s will. 

She wrote: “I felt the presence of God…. and that God had set you aside for a special mission…..I wrote a letter telling you that God had called you through me. I sealed it in my Bible (because) until God would tell me you were to have it….there should be no other pressure placed on you to make ministry your career.” 

Sixty-five years of active service in and through the Church had begun.

The course of our lives requires openness to unpopular, sometimes hurtful experiences. It helps to listen well to the counsel of Psalm 25:4: “direct me in your way, Yahweh, and teach me your paths” and to Isaiah 30:21: “ And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” 

Thanks be to God for the gift of Holy Spirit from whom comes unexpected clarity! 

Shalom

For Reflection (either individually or with a group)

Read the blog. Read it a second time, maybe reading it aloud or asking someone else to read it aloud so you can hear it with different intonation and emphases. Take these questions for a walk in the woods or in your neighborhood, for a swim or a run or for a hot soak in the tub. Invite the questions to join you for tea or coffee. 

• How do you respond inwardly to the author’s assertion that God’s Holy Spirit can help us to make decisions? Why?
• Have you ever had the experience of looking back at a difficult time in your life and seeing how, in retrospect, it helped you to make a life pivot, a decision, or a change that was important in the course of your life?
• When you want clarity in order to make a big decision, how and from whom do you get help?

Download a pdf including the Reflection Questions to share and discuss with friends, family, or members of your faith community small group.